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“You don’t become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge.”
SHOW NOTES
Today’s episode will be a little bit more of a conceptional conversation. We can’t get to the practical application of this until we understand the foundation of our identity. I want to explore who is driving the bus of our life. We’ll look at which part of ourselves that is making the decisions. And look at how we can come back to the highest most real version of ourselves so that we truly can live fully alive aligned with our true selves.
It’s like we have a million voices in our heads and sometimes we just can’t make sense of them all. And often times they are contradicting each other. I’ve had many moments of talking one part of me off the cliff by using the wisdom of one of my other “selves”. All this dialogue happening in my mind simultaneously. How can we begin to make sense of all of this? Who’s voice should we be listening to? Who’s voice is that really? Which one is the real us?
I believe that we have 4 essential selves. And I’m going to walk you through each of them so that you can begin to recognize what’s happening between your ears. My hope is that with this new awareness of your essential selves, you can start walking towards embracing your highest/most authentic self more and more and more.
4 Essential Selves:
ESSENTIAL SELF #1: EGO
“I” Identity – Anything that comes after the word “I” is our ego. It’s not bad or wrong to have an EGO. But it’s important to understand how it operates. The ego is our concept of self. An avatar self created in the psyche to protect sense of self/self esteem. The ego is typically what we call our “Identity” – The ego identifies with our possessions, our titles, our accolades, our physical appearance, our abilities, our education, our family of origin etc. This is our EGO. This is not us. We HAVE an EGO, but we are NOT OUR EGO.
The EGO is very sensitive.
Sensitive to criticism and being misunderstood. Drawn to labeling both self and others. Fear based. Seeks approval and significance. When ego drives our decision making, a person will always be insecure. Everything is motivated by this fear that we aren’t enough, we aren’t loved – we are hyper focused on what other people think. And when we operate out of ego, we don’t take responsibility for our own suffering. The ego always exteralizes, it projects. It blames other people and situations and rationalizes our behavior. And it can feel rejected, judged and criticized.
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“It forgets our Oneness, it feels separate. It is our public self—who we think others and eventually even we think we should be. Most of the time, when we are in the role of our false self, we feel uncomfortable, numb, empty or in a contrived or contracted state. We do not feel real, complete, whole or sane. At one level or another, we sense that something is wrong, and that something is missing.”
It’s important to acknowledge the EGO and accept it. It is part of us. The more we try to pretend it doesn’t exist the more hold it has over us. We can just call it out. Oh that’s my ego searching for significance. That’s just my ego wanting certainty. When we can call out when our EGO is driving the bus, we can take our power back to shift back into our higher self and make decisions that serve our highest good rather than feed the fear of the ego.
ESSENTIAL SELF #2: SUBCONSCIOUS
Below awareness. The software that is running the show. 95% of time is spent here. Created in childhood (before full consciousness) that holds core beliefs, emotions, memories, behaviors and instincts. Programmed reaction. The script, the tape, the story of what life is. This is typically what is driving the bus when we haven’t developed out conscious mind. Think of the subconscious mind as the involuntary mind. It’s running on auto-pilot. It’s goal is survival. And so it’s not going through a rational process to conscious make decisions, it’s only goal is to avoid as much pain as possible. It’s years of habits, experiences, memories, values, principles and it organizes itself based on survival.
Your subscious is your lens on how you see the world. It’s your worldview. It’s how you prioritize, how you judge, how you choose what to value. All based from these core beliefs you’ve gathered from your life’s experiences. But what I love about the subconscious is that you can reprogram it. If this is what is really running the show, let’s have some conscious intention and control over the software of our operating system. This is where rewriting our story comes in. This is where we release limiting beliefs. This is where we bring in new language. This is where using affirmations, incantations, mantras, meditation, visualization can shift this for us. It’s an incredibly responsive system. And it’s proven that you can rewire your subconscious brain. I’ve done it. And the result is, you’re live is completely different.
ESSENTIAL SELF #3: INNER CHILD
The child still alive within every adult desperate to be seen and heard. Carries unhealed/repressed emotions. Unconsciously seeks love and approval. Typically scared to trust, or let go. The irrational part of us that reacts even when our rational brain knows better. It’s our little girl. Or little boy. It desperately wants to feel seen, to be heard and to know it’s safe and protected. When fear creeps up, this is usually our inner child.
Especially if you’ve lived in dysfunctional or abusive homes – and let me just say that basically everyone comes from a dysfunctional home – it doesn’t mean it has to be something absolutely traumatic or horrible. Of course that would be dysfunctional too, but there is a spectrum.
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“A dysfunctional home is one in which each member is not getting their needs met, and their psychological and spiritual well-being and growth are not supported by others”
Our inner child is simply trying to get it’s needs met, but it’s doesn’t have the cognitive and developmental skills to do this in a productive healthy way. It just knows that A + B = C. Any issue we have where we are coping or numbing, stuck in fight or flight responses, reaction mode – stems from our inner child. When we run and hide, avoid confrontation, self-sabotage, shut down, get triggered, lash out, are a people pleaser, control, manipulate, are aggressive – this is our little girl driving the bus. It’s not our highest self. It’s our injured little girl. Our little girl is hurting, and when she is in control we are anxious, afraid, angry, and reactionary.
When we can begin to recognize it, it gives us the opportunity to soothe, listen and comfort our inner child. To validate: “I hear you. I see you. You are safe.”
ESSENTIAL SELF #4: HIGHEST SELF
Conscious awareness. Authentic “self” beyond conditioning, analytical mind, and habitual behavior. Love based. The soul, label-less, witness of the human experience. Once we have removed all of the masks, the facades, the superficialities of who we thought we were, who we needed to be in order to survive, what remains is our True Self. Our highest self. The one who knows how worthy, deserving, whole we are. This is our most wise self. The one who doesn’t react from triggers. It’s the one who is strong and steady. The unconditioned self. It has nothing to prove. It’s our very essence. It offers unconditional love. It’s is our truest self.
This higher self doesn’t feel responsible for other people’s emotions. It gives space for everyone to have their process. It’s incredibly trusting. And at the core, this highest selves knows it is enough. That is is loveable. And it’s gives us permission to be human. It takes full responsibility for owning our life.
So how you have a new awareness of your 4 essential selves. I think it’s so helpful to understand the foundation of how our minds work, and this helps us be able to consciously walk towards embracing our highest selves. Because when we are operating from that self, we find peace. WE aren’t trying to hard to earn love, we move away from autopilot, and we aren’t operating out of our childhood wounding as much – which allows us to be fully conscious, present and aware. It’s how we begin to take our power back and own our true identity. It’s so powerful!
DIY “BE YOURSELF” BLEND
RECIPE FROM “I AM FABULOUS” BY DESIREE MANGANDOG
Place drops in a 5ml roller bottle. Fill the rest with fractionated coconut oil. Apply to inside of wrists creases, back of neck and over heart area. *Avoid direct sunlight for 12-24 hours after applying as some of these oils are photosensitive.
Combine: 8 drops bergamot, 3 coriander, 3 clary sage, 2 rosemary, 3 frankincense, 1 cinnamon, 1 spearmint, 1 vetiver, 1 black pepper, 1 clove, and 2 wild orange.
“Be yourself is used when a person is on a journey of self-discovery. The noise of society, family expectations, and what media teaches often. are in conflict with your true nature. This blend guides you to be true to yourself, and never let another person define who you are and what you are capable of. We are limitless beings with abounding creative energy. Our role is to focus that energy into the projects we are meant to bring to fruition.” – Desiree Mangandog
Essential oils are a powerful tool to help you connect with your emotions and your body. And this blend will further help you integrate your true self.
BLEND BREAKDOWN (TAKEN FROM THE BOOK: I AM FABULOUS)
Bergamot: Helps you to fall in love with yourself! It is the. oil that teachers unconditional self-acceptance. Bergamot eliminates negative self-criticism that stops you from moving forward.
Coriander: The oil of honesty. Most people are in denial of their passions and dreams, in the effort to be “practical” and pay the bills. Coriander will leaf you to be honest with yourself and demand more out of life than just making a living.
Clary Sage: Opens your spiritual vision. to see your truth. When you become intimate with your spirit, you will begin to genuinely understand who you are and the power that resides within. This will blow your mind.
Rosemary: Expands your perception of reality and guides you to look deep within. It. also helps with the transition of higher self awareness.
Frankincense: Obliterates darkness and brings the truth to light.
Cinnamon: Ignites passion and enthusiasm for living your purpose.
Spearmint: Instills confidence and brings clarity to your truth.
Vetiver: Grounds you in all this newfound love and appreciation for yourself.
Black Pepper: Pulls off all of the fake masks you have put on to pretend you are happy and have your life together.
Clove: Instills power and conviction of your truth.
Wild Orange: Brings gladness to the heart and joy for your journey.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ON ESSENTIAL OILS, CHECK OUT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THEM HERE.
SEASON 2: IDENTITY
Each month will be a deep dive into a topic that supports you on your journey to living more fully alive. July’s topic will be on IDENTITY. Make sure to check out all the episodes from this month’s topic.
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