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The most powerful force in the human psyche is people’s need for their words and actions to stay consistent with their IDENTITY – how we define ourselves.
— Tony Robbins


Let’s start at the beginning. 

Let’s talk about what an identity is first and why it’s so important.

Obviously part of our identity is made up of our age, gender, our race, height, eye color, family of origin. Our unique skills, talents, abilities, our body type, our visions, our beliefs, our hopes and dreams, our occupation, our hobbies. The things that we gravitate towards, the things that make us come alive, the parts of oursevles that feel so natural and easy. The parts of ourselves that are not circumstantial, that don’t include a title or label or role. 

What I am talking about is our core identity. What makes us uniquely us. Our innate personality that doesn’t include pretending, shapeshifting or wearing masks.

HOW WE DEFINE OURSELVES is vital to living a life where you are fully alive. 

If you do not know who you are and claim it, you will look to others for permission to be who you think you might be or desire to be someday
— Rebecca Campbell

And when we are living a life playing the role of someone other than ourselves…it feels empty, or we feel resentful, or we self sabotage. In the long run,. there can be no real peace when we aren’t being authentic.

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
— Brene Brown

And who ever we think we are, is sitting in the drivers seat making all of our decisions. 

How we define ourselves is the clearest indicator of where we will end up.

So let’s get curious about what comes after the words, I AM…

After you catch yourself saying i am…ask yourself these 5 questions:

  1. Is this REALLY who I am, or is it a mask?

  2. How OLD is that identity?

  3. Why did I ADOPT that? (protection, belonging etc)

  4. How does it FEEL?

  5. Do I need to UPDATE this?

Identity is this incredible invisible force that controls your whole life. It’s invisible, like gravity is invisible, but it controls your whole life.
— Tony Robbins

So let’s make this practical and get clear on what our current identity is, to see if it’s our real authentic self or if we need to let go of some of those descriptions and definitions of ourselves so that we can begin to gently walk ourselves back home to our real selves.

How to Identify the 3 Elements of Your Current Identity


What are the primary roles you play… mother, girlfriend, wife, christian, life coach, therapist, wellness advocate (name your professional role), sister, daughter,…? What ROLES do you play in your life. This is the outer layer of your identity.

ELEMENT TWO: Identify Your Personality

What are the unique elements to your personality. What are your natural talents and strengths? What comes easily to you? Outgoing, introverted, energetic, lively, reserved, cautious, excitable, determined, ambitious, compassionate, intuitive etc. How would you describe your personality?

ELEMENT THREE: Identify Your Habits/Interests

How does what you DO define you. I am a foodie, I am an early riser, I am always late, I am obsessed with time, I love old cars, I am someone who loves to work out, I am a surfer… identify your primary habits or interests.

So once you have gotten a clearer picture of your current identity it’s time to ask the big question…

  • Do you want to upgrade any of those descriptions?

  • Is that identity going to give you what you want?

  • Do you like how it feels to be in that identify?

  • Is there any of that, that you would change?

The goal is to always show up as more of who we are. 

The goal is to always let more of our real selves be seen.

The goal is to lay down the mask and step into the light. 

Who are you really?

Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.
— Brene Brown

We can begin to get curious about who are because it’s not dependant on our loveability. When we start falsely crafting our identity to be pleasing to others, we are shape shifting to earn love, approval and our worthiness. There is a deep freedom that can come from believing that who we are at our core is loveable. And all our little intricacies add up to make us who we are, and that person, ME, is loveable. The biggest lie is that we have to change who we truly are to be loved. The ultimate sacrifice. Sacrificing our authenticity in exchange for love. But now you have some tools to truly own  who you are.

To be able to stand in our power, we have to know ourselves intimately. So that we aren’t persuaded by someone else’s agenda for our lives. When we don’t know who we are, we end up living a life for someone else, wearing lots of masks to please other people, and ultimately ending up feeling resentful and lost. So my friends, it’s time to lovingly walk ourselves back home to ourselves.



Place drops in a 5ml roller bottle. Fill the rest with fractionated coconut oil. Apply to inside of wrists creases, back of neck and over heart area. *Avoid direct sunlight for 12-24 hours after applying as some of these oils are photosensitive.
Combine: 8 drops bergamot, 3 coriander, 3 clary sage, 2 rosemary, 3 frankincense, 1 cinnamon, 1 spearmint, 1 vetiver, 1 black pepper, 1 clove, and 2 wild orange.

“Be yourself is used when a person is on a journey of self-discovery. The noise of society, family expectations, and what media teaches often. are in conflict with your true nature. This blend guides you to be true to yourself, and never let another person define who you are and what you are capable of. We are limitless beings with abounding creative energy. Our role is to focus that energy into the projects we are meant to bring to fruition.” – Desiree Mangandog

Essential oils are a powerful tool to help you connect with your emotions and your body. And this blend will further help you integrate your true self.


  • Bergamot: Helps you to fall in love with yourself! It is the. oil that teachers unconditional self-acceptance. Bergamot eliminates negative self-criticism that stops you from moving forward.

  • Coriander: The oil of honesty. Most people are in denial of their passions and dreams, in the effort to be “practical” and pay the bills. Coriander will leaf you to be honest with yourself and demand more out of life than just making a living.

  • Clary Sage: Opens your spiritual vision. to see your truth. When you become intimate with your spirit, you will begin to genuinely understand who you are and the power that resides within. This will blow your mind.

  • Rosemary: Expands your perception of reality and guides you to look deep within. It. also helps with the transition of higher self awareness.

  • Frankincense: Obliterates darkness and brings the truth to light.

  • Cinnamon: Ignites passion and enthusiasm for living your purpose.

  • Spearmint: Instills confidence and brings clarity to your truth.

  • Vetiver: Grounds you in all this newfound love and appreciation for yourself.

  • Black Pepper: Pulls off all of the fake masks you have put on to pretend you are happy and have your life together.

  • Clove: Instills power and conviction of your truth.

  • Wild Orange: Brings gladness to the heart and joy for your journey.

For more information on essential oils, check out what I have to say about them HERE.


Each month will be a deep dive into a topic that supports you on your journey to living more fully alive. July’s topic will be on IDENTITY. Make sure to check out all the episodes from this month’s topic.
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