SHOW NOTES

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“Being kind to ourselves means we stop all blame, all guilt, all punishment, and all pain.”

— Louise Hay

On this episode join Mary as she talks about your body bully. Most of us are familiar with this internal voice. You know the voice that tells you that you aren’t good enough. You are gross, too fat, too ugly…your thighs are too big, your boobs are too saggy… something is wrong with you. And once we hear that bully, we respond. We workout too much. We restrict our food. We get surgery. We buy any product that can help fix us. Or maybe we do the opposite. We rebel. We pretend that we don’t care. We binge. But no matter what, there is one truth…we cannot bully our way into loving ourselves. We need to begin to shift our internal dialogue from shame, judgement and criticism to tenderness, love, and grace.

We all have a body bully.

Its job is to remind us that we are flawed.

That we don’t measure up.

That there is something wrong with us.

What is a bully?

As a verb it means: to threaten to hurt someone, often frightening that person into doing something

As a noun it means: a person who threatens to hurt someone, often forcing that person to do something.

The interesting thing about both of these bully definitions is that they talk about forcing or frightening a person to do something. When we are talking about the body bully this particular bully forces us to do penance for how disgusting we are. When our bully starts talking and we internalize what it is saying as truth… our only option is to repent. We have to obsess… we have to cower in fear and try to make sure that bully doesn’t get angry again.

Your bully exists for a reason. All bully’s BECAME bullies. They weren’t born that way. They were harmed/hurt and so they began to harm/hurt others. The same is true for you. Your body bully in a way was developed for your survival.This passionate hatred towards our bodies originates from some other story. Because somewhere along the way – there was a moment that you were bullied into believing your body wasn’t good enough. We LEARN that the only way to survive with a body that is against us is to hate it. We hate our bodies with such a passion and when we hate something we-

Belittle it.

Berate it.

Abuse it.

Bully it.

All in an attempt to gain some control over our bully.

Our body bully actually can shine the light on our wounds and be the catalyst to heal those memories, those moments of hurt, those misbeliefs we have about our bodies and our appearance.

3 Ways Our Body Bullies Bully Us

Body Bashing – picking apart every thing on our body that is not perfect and bashing it, judging it. Letting you know that you and your body are not good enough. You thighs are too big, your hair is too flat, your eye lashes are too small, your eyebrows are too thin, your arms aren’t toned enough, your ass isn’t round enough… that is body bashing.
Body Checking/Comparison – every time you see someone else you size them up and see where you fit. It makes sure you know exactly where you stand. If you are better, prettier, uglier, skinnier, fatter … you will know it.
Body Shame – you should have tried harder, everyone can lose weight but you, what’s wrong with you, you’re born with this and you’ll never be able to fix it, you should be ashamed of yourself, you are an embarrassment, you are broken…

The good news is, if you can make yourself believe that you are ugly, disgusting, gross, unfit to be in a healthy relationships, going to be alone forever or left because of your stomach…then you can make yourself unbelieve those thoughts too.

Every thought is subjective.

Just because we think it does not make it true. We can actually choose to think something different. Or choose to believe something different.

Just because you’ve been telling yourself all your life that no one will love you until you lose another 10lbs does not make the true.

Just because you’ve been telling yourself that the only way to make sure your husband doesn’t cheat on you is to get your hair done every 4 weeks, does not make it true.

Just because you’ve been telling yourself that doing a juice cleanse will fix all your problems does not make it true

That is why we have to get really good at challenging our thoughts and then get to work at intentionally curating a new, kinder, more loving internal dialogue. We actually have control over the matter.

So here is how we shift the dialogue…

We 1st have to imagine your body as a little girl – perhaps your daughter.

How would you speak to her?

What if someone spoke to your daughter the way you speak to yourself?

Then we can begin to shift our internal dialogue by following these 4 steps:

Identify the Voice – Ask yourself Where is this voice coming from? Who’s voice is it? Who says? Identify your bully.
Acknowledge it – Bully I hear you. I know you are afraid that you aren’t going to be loved.
Challenge it– Do I want it to be true? Draw a clear boundary.
Call In Your Loving Self – How would you speak to your daughter? At the end of the day, we just want to know that we are loveable. So chances are that is what you’ll have to tell her. It might sound like, “Oh sweetie, you are so loved. Your body is perfect. It’s been through a lot. You are fine just as you are. I know you are self conscious. I know you don’t feel good. But you are not broken. I love you just the way you are. And I am so grateful for your…” And offer gratitude for the different parts of your body and their functions … for the way that you went up those stairs, for the way you give me breath, for the energy you gave me today. You’re working so hard to keep me healthy and I see that. Thank you.

That is how you will begin to speak to your body. With tenderness, love, grace, empathy and admiration. This changes the dialogue. This is a practice that through time you’ll be able to identify that bully and then begin to affirm and remember that you are worthy of love and respect, just as you are. Especially from yourself.