Whether you consider yourself a people pleaser or peacemaker or just can’t stomach the idea of a hard conversation – you might be a conflict avoider. Maybe you find yourself making jokes when difficult topics come up, maybe you’ve been holding onto a relationship for too long, maybe you bottle up how you really feel only to have a passive aggressive episode later… These might be signs that you are afraid of addressing conflict.
For many of us, we believe that the risk of being judged, being left, being misunderstood is enough to pretend everything is fine. But the reality is it’s usually not. When we don’t use our voice to share our truth, resentment, frustration or anger begins to build. In order to have healthy and intimate relationships we have to learn how to have difficult conversations. And luckily, Mary shares her tried and true tips to navigate these kinds of conversations in a way that will leave you feeling grounded and empowered!
ON THIS EPISODE WE WILL DISCUSS…
- Mary’s own journey through avoiding conflict
- Holding onto relationships too long
- Exploring the root to why we avoid conflict
- Looking at what conversations you’re avoiding now
- What fuels your avoidance
- 5 questions to ask yourself to get to heart of your avoidance
- Mary’s 8 tips to have productive hard conversations
- And more!
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5 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE ANY BIG CONVERSATION:
- What is the outcome you are desiring? (A new boundary, validation, new agreement, release, termination)
- What is fueling your avoidance of conflict? (What stories, narratives, fears are below the surface? How is avoiding the conflict keeping you “safe?”)
- What does that feel like in the body to hold that? (Take time to let yourself somatically experience the contraction of avoidance so you can notice what you’ve been holding)
- What exactly are you trying to avoid? What is at stake or at risk? (Who would you offend, lose, would it risk judgment, risk abandonment, risk approval, or risk love?)
- What part of you do you need to embody in order to have this conversation? (Is there a more empowered version of yourself that needs to drive the bus? What does that part believe and know to be true? And let yourself somatically feel this energy and notice the contrast from before. Chances are it feels more expansive.)